A woman has revealed how a “bird test” theory can determine whether or not your relationship is solid.
Alyssa, from the US, shared a now-viral video explaining how the test is used to measure how a friend, partner or family member reacts to an insignificant conversation, otherwise known as a “bid for connection”.
WATCH THE VIDEO ABOVE: How the bird test works.
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“Apparently, a lot of people don’t know what the bird test is … but that’s wild to me because I live and die by the f***ing bird test because it never fails,” she said.
“And if you don’t know what the bird test is, it’s like a test to gauge whether or not a relationship will be successful.
“Usually it’s in the context of a romantic relationship but I always do this with friends, family members, literally anyone that I meet.
“If they pass the bird test, I tell them so fast because this s*** is so fascinating.”
Alyssa says the ‘bird test’ theory can determine if your relationship is solid. Credit: @alyssacardib
A research-based approached to relationships, conducted by American doctor John Gottman, looked at how couples “turn towards instead of away”.
The study stated that a bid for connection is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection or any other positive connection.
Alyssa shared her own experience to show how the bird test works.
“I meet this girl, we start becoming … friends, and we go to Starbucks. One day, we’re sitting at this table… and I’m looking out the window and I see a woodpecker in a tree,” she said.
“I’m like, ‘Holy s***, there’s a woodpecker in that tree.’ This girl whips around so fast, she’s like, ‘Where?’ I kid you not.
“For the next 10 minutes, the two of us stared out the Starbucks window just watching this woodpecker f***ing peck away at this tree while we Googled random facts about woodpeckers.”
Make or break
She said how the other person reacts to your bird can make or break a relationship.
“If you’re with someone … romantic or not, if you say something that could be deemed insignificant, and your partner responds with genuine curiosity, like, ‘What woodpecker? Where?’ that’s a really good sign that your relationship will last a long time,” she said.
“But if they blow you off, they don’t acknowledge you, and they’re just like, ‘Oh cool… a woodpecker.’ That’s a really bad sign.”
How the other person reacts to your ‘bid’ is said to make or break a relationship. File image. Credit: Kathrin Ziegler/Getty Images
Alyssa says the test is designed for couples in romantic relationships, but she’s been using it on her family and friends.
“I’m telling you, do this with your friends, do this with your family members. The bird test never fails,” she said.
As part of The Gottman Institute research, the doctor conducted a study with newlyweds, then followed them up six years later.
Interestingly, couples who had stayed married turned towards one another 86 per cent of the time.
Those who divorced averaged only 33 per cent of the time.
Turn towards or away?
“Bids (for connection) show up in simple ways, a smile or wink, and more complex ways, like a request for advice or help,” the report stated.
“To ‘miss’ a bid is to ‘turn away.’ Turning away can be devastating. It’s even more devastating than ‘turning against’ or rejecting the bid.
“Rejecting a bid at least provides the opportunity for continued engagement and repair.
“Missing the bid results in diminished bids, or worse, making bids for attention, enjoyment, and affection somewhere else.”
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